Your Mood is the Message

Image curtesy of @safoorataimoor via Unsplash.

Sometimes “smooth talking” isn’t enough.

I recently spoke with a frustrated client whose meetings weren't going well. He felt like people kept leaving the meetings frustrated or discouraged with him. 

He was especially frustrated because he used the word tracks we had developed to help him with these engagements and did not see improvements. Even worse, he felt he would have to become "Johnny Backslapper" to be more effective at work. He was more naturally analytical and introverted, so the thought of spending an hour a day hanging out and talking about nothing really got to him.

So I asked him a simple question. 

"What kind of mood were you in during these meetings?"

Admittedly, I knew to ask this question only because I had experienced a similar struggle when speaking with my teenage daughters. I would use my helpful word tracks during otherwise frustrating conversations and think I was on my way to winning "Dad of the Year" because of how reasonable I was. Then they would interrupt and say, "Dad! Why are you using your angry voice?"

Busted.

While I may have been using all my "calm" and "reasonable" words, I grew frustrated with the conversation. It showed.

As pointed out by Dr. Shirzad Chamine in his book, Positive Intelligence, people can pick up on our moods even when we aren't fully aware of our feelings. Therefore, if we are in a negative emotional state, that impacts the other person no matter how well-spoken we are!

So what is the solution?

1. Check your mood before the meeting. If you walk in looking "stressed," you've already set the tone for the meeting - no matter what you may say next.

2. Check your mood during the meeting. Have a system for recognizing how you feel during the meeting. Make a point to be aware of your breathing or any tension you carry in your body.

3. Hit "reset" as needed. Use "deep breathing" or other grounding techniques to help you "wake up," be fully present, and break out of your bad mood.

For more help with "hitting reset," be sure to see these posts on how to mitigate stress with breathing and how to manage your emotional triggers.

Better yet, schedule a free consultation call and get immediate help with your biggest challenges.