Feedback is a gift.
Do you enjoy getting punched in the mouth?
That question is a sort of litmus test for character.
One of my favorite proverbs says:
"Any bragger you correct will only hate you. But if you correct someone who has common sense, you will be loved." (Proverbs 9:8, Contemporary English Version).
I love that verse because it reminds me to pay attention to how I receive feedback, and it shows me how to interpret the actions of others. Put simply: people show wisdom when they receive feedback, especially when it hurts. People show folly when they ignore feedback that is offered constructively and with goodwill.
Here’s one of the reasons feedback is so important: airplanes.
The first time I ever thought about leadership in a way that wasn’t just “rah-rah” was when I read Steven Covey’s classic book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In that book, he mentions how an airplane is actually off-course for most of its flight.
The reason an airplane is still able to land in the right place at the right time is that the pilot is constantly making course corrections based on feedback from the ground and the instruments in the airplane. This constant response to feedback makes minor course corrections possible that then avoid major problems (like hitting the ground at 600 miles per hour).
I love that illustration because it shows the benefits of frequent feedback. When working with clients to provide 360 feedback, I often remind them that while the feedback may feel like a threat at first, it is actually a roadmap to success. The information they receive allows them to make course corrections so they can get where they need to go in a timely manner.
That leads me to my main point: feedback is a gift.
As I work with leaders in organizations, few of them enjoy giving feedback because it often feels like a threat - sort of like getting punched in the mouth. So the first trick to working with feedback is to help them change the way they see it and then respond to it as they would a “gift” (remember - good feedback provides a roadmap for future success).
So how do you typically respond to a gift - even when you think the gift doesn’t really “fit” you? Do you argue with the giver about how they are completely wrong?
When I was growing up, there were a few years where my grandmother would send me new dress socks for Christmas. I was not impressed with this gift. I couldn’t play with them, and they came in dull colors (like brown or navy blue). Frankly, they weren’t what I wanted. Yet, guess what I pulled out of my drawer on Sunday mornings or any time I was supposed to wear a nice pair of pants and a nice shirt? Yup, grandma’s socks. She’d given me a useful gift, even though it wasn’t the one I wanted.
Please remember that good feedback is a gift. It is a roadmap toward a successful future. It’s like being given the answers to the test before you have to take it.
In his book, Business Made Simple: 60 Days to Master Leadership, Sales, Marketing, Execution, Management, Personal Productivity and More, Donald Miller observes:
A mark of a competent adult is their ability to accept feedback. The mark of a child is their expectation of praise without merit.
Children get praised simply for existing while adults are expected to learn, get better, and give back (p. 15).
In leadership development, we often focus on how to give feedback, and that is certainly a critical skill for leadership. However, how we receive feedback is a critical skill for our character. Do you want to be known as a “bragger” and a “child” or would you rather be known as an “adult” with “common sense”?
For Reflection and Application
The last time someone offered you feedback, how did you receive it?
When you receive feedback - and especially when you receive painful feedback - the best response you can provide is “thank you.”