To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence, Know Your “Triggers”

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Many of us know about the importance of emotional intelligence (EQ) for leadership. Here's a tool that will help you with that: learn how to recognize and correct your triggers.

For those who aren’t familiar with the concept, EQ is about our ability to:

1. Recognize our current emotional state

2. Respond to that state so that we are able to “self-regulate”

3. Recognize the emotional state of others

4. Respond to their states appropriately

This blog post will help you address the first two items for yourself.

What is a trigger?

Triggers are those things that “set us off,” activating our fight or flight responses. Let's call that becoming "activated."

Sometimes that response is appropriate. Other times, that response gets in the way of the work we need to achieve. When we become activated, we can treat co-workers like enemies instead of colleagues. Instead of working together to overcome an obstacle, we treat each other as the obstacle.

The inevitable result is less "problem solving," and more "finger pointing." The energy that could have gone toward productivity ends up going elsewhere. It goes toward harsh words, hurt feelings, and increasing mistrust. Improve your emotional intelligence and you will improve your efficiency as a leader. Why? Because you won't waste so much emotional energy.

To correct a trigger, try this:

1. Think of a work situation that "activated" you.

2. Visualize the situation. What happened right before you got upset? How did you feel? That event or feeling was your trigger. Now that you are aware of the trigger, you can choose how to respond to it. You've robbed it of its power over you.

3. Come up with an alternative response to the trigger. How do you want the situation to turn out? What could you do that would help with that?

4. BONUS: Tell someone about the change you want to make. Ask them to give you feedback when they see you respond to the trigger. Let them tell you how well you handled the situation.

Now that you've done the work to identify your trigger, here's how to summarize you change in behavior

When [trigger] happens, instead of [old behavior], I will [new behavior].

For example, let’s pretend that one co-worker sets you off because of the rude ways they speak to you. You notice this happening over and over again, and its impacting how you work with them.

Once you realize that trigger, you can come up with an action plan to change your behavior. You've decided that you want a better working relationship, and you are ready to make some changes.

Using the formula above, you could try this tactic:

When a co-worker speaks rudely to me, instead of blowing up at them, I will take a breath before I speak. Then, I will say: “I want to work with you on this, but I can’t do that when you speak to me that way.

Consider this plan a small experiment. Measure your successes and make tweaks to your change in behavior. Over time, you will discover what works for you.

A Way to Be

To look

at provocation

through

the lens

of curiosity

that is

the way to be

free

in this world.

By Judy Brown, April 11, 2009

For Reflection

1. How do your triggers impact you?

2. If you could correct just one trigger, which would it be?

3. What would that do for you?

4. What will you do next?

To Learn More About Triggers

For more information on “triggers,” see the book by Marshall Goldsmith, Triggers: Creating Behavior the Lasts — Becoming the Person You Want to Be.

This guide is adapted from his work and from The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More, and Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Stanier.